Forget peer groups, think friends

One of the unexpected side effects of the last year has been my understanding of friendship. It's not a term that sits easily in the business language of performance, assessment and 360 appraisals. It's too vague, and soft, and downright dangerous. Instead, we talk of colleagues and peer groups which are much more sanitary.

However, the fact is friendship is the single most important social bond we have, and it's hard work. It takes a long time to build but a short time to erode. Think back to the changes in your life - leaving school to go to college or work or changing jobs and moving away. Contact not maintained starts a process of gentle decline for a few months, followed by a steeper decline until, after two years, those who were good friends are suddenly distant acquaintances.

Robin Dunbar describes a "social fingerprint"; a pattern of friendships that remains constant, but the people in that pattern change. I find it a sobering thought. What happens to continuity, to those relati…